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February 6, 2019

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Mom, I just want you to know

February 1, 2018

 

On this day, I sat in court

I believe I was four or five

I sit in this chair next to the judge

Waiting for my mother to arrive

 

Who never did,

She missed twice

Not having to worry about the soul you gave birth to

But who am I to judge, you never even obeyed curfew

 

So for you to have a conscience and feel things, is way out of line

And for you to not think of me once in all those months, how could that just slip your mind

 

They say giving birth is an experience so divine

That I could make someone change their ways, but I honestly just think it's a lie

They make it sound like giving life is rainbows and butterflies

But oh how the time flies...And oh how much of a disguise

And oh what a surprise it is when you finally realize

 

That even though we may share the same blood and come from  the sames ties

We will never share the same tears that have run down my eyes

We are not the same, and though our veins share the same blood, may I just say

your veins are filled with hate, while mine was taught "love is only vain"

 

I'm hard wired by two DNA's that came from two different souls

One from a lonely woman chasing dope and another from a fool chasing gold

What does that make me? Cause I would like to think I'm grown

Breaking through the barriers of life, I was already sewn

To the life that you two had already chose.

The life that you two had gladly thrown away way before i was born

you should've already known

 

That when your own life is unhealthy, your soon to be child would be prone

To a life filled with battles she'd have to conquer on her own alone

Because of your actions and the lack of control

you left your young girl being exposed

And it's like an over dose.

 

Mom I wish I was that crack pipe you smoke

You could inhale my love, the thing that you needed the most

I wish I was that substance that made you feel full and complete inside

The reason you're breathing and the meaning to your eyes

And when the smoke came from your mouth

 

I knew you'd always speak of me with kind words

You'd be proud of me, you would love me, you would always speak about my worth

You would say how I'm the best thing that could've ever walked the earth

You would say you can't live a day without me and to describe the hurt

if you did, you wouldn't even be able to put into words.