Playing the tape back
- shaquettanelson
- 6 days ago
- 2 min read
"There was a pool full of liquor so I dived in it"
Timid
Nothing's picture perfect
But I tried to create this image
Cropped my face so that it's true state never showed
Altered my pain
Deleted my emotions
This potion (alcohol)
Created confusion,
created this illusion
That it's everyone's fault but mine
Every excuse I could find
I blamed my mother
My brother
My daddy
because, we had issues
Eyes glossy I looked in that mirror pointing at everyone
Except the one staring back
with the conversation of
We need to fix you!
If I could go back and reverse
Speaking the truth even though it hurts
The issues we had because, daddy
my brother, my mother my blame
I was in denial
That it was me who caused the shame
I can't deny suffering in silence
was the biggest challenge
But I had to create a balance
Because closed mouths don't get fed
and blank faces can't be read
Alcohol created a crippling affliction
To be my walking addiction
I was numb to reality
To some a fatality
But to me life was now tolerable
My trauma most labeled as drama
Drowned me
The quick sand I couldn't walk in turned to dirt
I became oblivious to my self love and worth
I was hurting
Self medicating was no longer working
That 110lb bag of bones
Alone
Made me feel and look non existent
Isolation created a dismissive distance
To them I was a drunk
To me I wanted to die
Survival of the fittest
Wasn't fitting
The skin I was in
I was lost not wanting to be found
Just left alone in the darkness
(John 8:12) say "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk
in darkness, but will have the light of life"
So I had to find a power greater than myself
In order to find my purpose
All well worth it
As I was slowly killing me
He was planting seeds in me
Watered by a pool full of liquor I thought I died in
To rebirth a testimony that I was born to tell
Realizing that life doesn't stop when we reach rock bottom
But taking that bottom rock to climb to the top
Yes as people we do suffer
But I am living proof
That we do recover!!!
Poem by: Shaquetta "R.E.I.L" Nelson
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